A brief interlude.

Its been a bit longer than I meant since the previous post. One of my guiding decisions with this blog thus far has been to "Be the change you wish to see in the world". One way I do that is by treating what I do as perfectly normal and nothing to be ashamed of, and certainly not worthy of the self loathing and self hatred I have. The other way is that I sometimes whitewash my life as simpler and more positive than it frequently is. The truth is, my life is complicated, messy, and probably wouldn't meet most people's definition of "successful" (and to be extra honest, not even my own ideas of success...). One of the messy parts is that my wife and I sometimes fight. In retrospect, its probably odd to be so reluctant to admit that, since the whole "crossdresser" part of my life is the more controversial and unusual bit. And so it was that after my wife had been working some long weeks and long hours with a lot of stress at her job, we had a... vigorous discussion. And in the heat of my frustration and anger, I suggested we just not go to the party we planned on going to on Saturday. And my wife agreed.

So, on the plus side, my wife had a surprisingly restful weekend to recover. But my own struggles with depression have dominated my own life for the past few days. What's worse is that some would say I shouldn't have much to be depressed about because I have a great story to tell about the one party we did go to earlier in the week. Don't worry, I will tell that in an upbeat post. I don't want to spoil what would otherwise be a great post with the negativity of this post.

Ever since last year, I've had this Halloween built up in my mind, and I just wanted to take maximal advantage of this opportunity to go out without a lot of questions being asked. We also just don't have many friends close by, and no one we knew was having a Halloween party. And that left us to looking at events that are open to the public. It doesn't help that neither my wife nor I are really comfortable with bars and clubs, especially going without a group. I don't have a problem with bars and clubs, but I just usually find myself uncomfortable in that setting even when dressed in a more masculine way. But that's most of what was available, so we were going to work with what we had.

So now that I have mentioned depression, I suppose I should discuss it a bit. Maybe I do a good job of hiding it, maybe I don't, but I do struggle with it frequently. I do want to note that this "depression" is in the non-technical usage of the term, and that I have no idea what a professional opinion would be. I don't want to spend a lot of time on this blog dwelling on it, partially because it would be hard to do a good job of explaining it all and staying anonymous. Frankly, I'm not even sure it would be edifying or valuable to anyone else to have that discussion.

I hope to get back to a more regular posting schedule next week. This blog has been a sort of therapy for me, and I have been amazed and extremely grateful for the universally wonderful comments I have received. (No really, not a single negative comment! I'm still shocked, 48 posts over 2 months, and not a single negative comment.) But even without that, this has been a wonderful experience for me. I am thankful for everyone who takes the time to read this, and I am thankful for every single comment as well. I hope to get caught back up on other people's blogs and to dispense with this bit of drama really soon. I hope everyone has had a great week.