Funky rockabilly?

• Dress: Maurices
• Belt: Maurices (came with the dress)
• Socks: Target
• Shoes: Converse via Target (men's department, buy)

My wife and I had some disagreement over this outfit. My wife liked it less than I did, but I wasn't 100% happy with it either, however it's growing on me over time. I actually almost didn't post it, but its always fun to see what everyone else thinks! I wish this separates instead of a dress as well, but I do think its still fun as it is. Normally I also would have worn shoes with a heel, but I recently bought these sneakers, and I really wanted to pair them with a skirt or a dress. (Edit: eek is an awesome blogger who occasionally makes great use of Converse sneakers in her outfits, and I I realized I omitted a link to her blog!)

I also have a question to answer today, the awesome Genevieve from sandbox romance asked: Just out of curiosity, do you ever experiment with wearing more "gender neutral" clothing in public? I have to confess; I have no idea what that would mean for men!

I love to do small experiments with the clothes I'm willing to wear in public, and over time, I have slowly expanded the list of things I'm comfortable wearing. Most of those items are clothes labeled for women though. However, the first image that jumps to mind when thinking about "gender neutral" clothing are some of those horrible (and not so horrible) grade B sci-fi movies where everyone is wearing muted pastel colored jumpsuits. In all fairness, there are some fashion forward sci-fi movies like The Fifth Element (er, but then again how many sci-fi movies can get Jean-Paul Gaultier to design their costumes?)

Thankfully this is a blog post, not a research paper, so I can do some vacuous uncited handwaving :). I recall reading several writers who have pointed out that "unisex" styling almost always defaults to "masculine" styles, and is almost always "functional" (in contrast to "stylish"). When I try to think of "feminine" unisex styles its difficult. For instance, I guess the closest thing to a gender neutral "skirt" that comes to mind is a Utilikilt. However, I don't own one, and where I live I have the vague feeling a Utilikilt might draw more attention than "simple" crossdressing. (Interestingly, I do know some male hikers that prefer kilts to other lower body garments.) Historically, leggings, tunics, and togas all seem to have been fairly gender neutral at some point, and even high heels were once worn by males. Well, actually I suppose toga's still sometimes count as "gender neutral" party wear on college campuses.

In discussing some of this with friends who live in more metropolitan areas, I am aware that its more common and acceptable to see guys wearing skinny jeans, deeper V-necks, and other items that would be labeled more "feminine". Certainly some visions of "gender neutral" seem to be more androgynous, in contrast to more "masculine" versions. I also think its interesting to think about the role of homophobia plays for some males in deciding whether certain articles of clothing are too "feminine".

Some of the things I have incorporated into my daily rotation include women's jeans from a medium to a dark wash. Most of them are boot cut, although a couple of pairs have more flare. All the jeans are more fitted through the thigh though. I also have some women's oxfords and women's sneakers I wear on a regular basis out and about. My hoodie is from the women's department, and it has more fitted sleeves and a double zipper. My gloves (coming soon in a post!) and my new winter coat are from the women's department. I don't know if any of this counts as "gender neutral" though. I would like to incorporate more items into my daily wear though, but I admit it, I get really self conscious the more things I wear out. In my ideal world though, I would want to wear everything I post on this blog out, and it count as "gender neutral".

As always, I love answering questions, so feel free to ask away in comments or via email, and I already have another question from blog buddy Pamela to answer in my next post! (And I always tag posts like this with q and a.) Of course my amazing wife took the pictures for today's post.

Friday link roundup.

Its Friday, and I want to have a post, but between a crazy schedule and a flaky camera, it won't be an outfit post! But that's okay, it just means I get to do something different! And now I can't hide behind hiding my face from the camera. Er, what?... Uh, moving on. I want to thank everyone who shared their thoughts on cameras! I mean, who better to ask than people who take a lot of pictures of their outfits for blogs, right? My old camera was from the Canon PowerShot line, and its good to hear that a lot of people also good luck with the line, and so I will probably be going with an updated PowerShot model. And I just wanted to say something about cameras and picture quality. I love to see all the creativity in picture taking with style bloggers! I think its really cool that even the cheapest camera can be used to make art and share self expression. For me, its not about picture quality anymore than its about where you shop! Its can be a lot of fun to have a nice camera, but if you gave me a DSLR tomorrow, I wouldn't know what to do with it(okay, I would, I would put it in point and shoot mode! :) ), and really, I think the hard part in taking a good picture is deciding what to put in the picture and what to leave out. And when in doubt, just take a lot of pictures, one of them is bound to be good eventually! See, its thinking like this that explains why I'm not a professional photographer (oh wait, my blog is supposed to anonymous... or am I? Wait... my wife takes all my pictures... okay, someone in this house is probably not a pro photographer... or are they?). I guess my point is that I don't need a good camera, its just fun to have one, and we're lucky enough to be able to replace the one we have.

Hah, I'm not done yet! A lot of other bloggers (like the really awesome Lisa of respect the shoes) post link roundups from time to time, and since I have been sitting on a growing collection of links I found interesting and relevant.

Gender Labels and Clothing

• Switcharoo(via Feministing) - I addition to being really cool, it took me a minute to realize this was not photoshopped.
• What I Wore posted some inspiration for Halloween costumes, and in particular I found her interpretation of George Washington to be an interesting example of how what counts as masculine attire has changed over the times. Also, her interpretation of Karl Lagerfeld is equally interesting.
• She's Got Balls: 12 Creative Women Get in Touch With Their Masculine Side(via Feministing) - This is a really fun slideshow with an interesting range of female celebrities in masculine looks.
• This blog post has an interesting discussion about the site The Art of Manliness, which prompted an enterprising individual to create a website that simply gender-swaps most of the nouns from The Art of Manliness website to create The Art of Womanliness, and the resulting lack of difference makes some interesting food for thought about gender roles. I know there are a lot of diverse thoughts on that sort of thing, so I thought it would be cool to share and hear other people's thoughts?

General Style

• Scarfing it down which links to Tying scarves with the Angie knot, and then a comment shares another technique.
• How to pull off a bow tie(via A Pretty Penny - Links a la Mode)
• How to Make Heels Bearable - I enjoy wearing high heels, but I also care about protecting my feet and not damaging them, and so I really enjoyed this discussion about the practicalities of wearing heels. I have some friends who have plantar fasciitis, and its something to be avoided.

On Monday, I hope to be back with a working camera and I will be participating in a Wardrobe Capsule Challenge that the wonderful Meli from The Daily Insanity of a Fashion Addict has decided to do. I hope everyone has a great weekend, and since there were no pictures today, I will just thank my amazing wife for being amazing.

BBCA 7: Retail therapy.

• Top: Torrid (previously)
• Cami: Maurices
• Vest: Maurices (previously)
• Skirt: Target
• Pumps: Payless

This outfit is part of Melissa's Blogging for Breast Cancer aWEARness challenge. I know I only said I would do it for a week, but I had a little more pink than I thought, so I figured I would just keep on going a bit longer. This outfit is actually from a couple of weeks ago, but I never posted it. And yes, its with the same vest and button down as another recent post. I told everyone they would be seeing it again soon. :)

Last week Lori from the awesome blog lorispeak made a comment that inspired this post: wow. I was wondering if you remixed at all! I'm amazed at how many clothes (and especially awesome shoes) you have! I do have to say, it's really fun to remix and see who you can make items take on a totally different feel. I like that you remixed these shoes into this outfit. It'd be a pity not to show them more than once! :)

Walmart is open 24 hours a day. I know this because for many years I experienced intense shame over my interest, and it was the only place I felt I could shop. I would wait until the quiet hours of the night and go out and "browse" the sections next to the women's clothing until I could work up the courage to go look at clothes. If no one was around, all the better. I did not know my size and I was way too timid to ask to try anything on. I would repeat the waiting near the cash registers until lines were short or empty, and while the cashier ringed me up, I couldn't look anyone in the eyes, and I just hoped I no one would get in line behind me. One of the last times I ever did this, a man started following me around, so I left the store, only to get confronted in the parking lot. The man was a plain clothes store security person who was convinced I was shoplifting. I managed to convince him I hadn't taken anything, but it was a seriously unnerving experience.

Of course, in that period of my life, even when I bought things, I would only keep them a few days. During this period, the shame and guilt would pile on, and I would reach the breaking point, and too ashamed to dare make a return, I would throw away my purchases. Luckily, many of them were from Walmart, and at least they were cheap. Later on, I would discover this is a pretty common problem among people who crossdress.

Thankfully, I'm past a lot of that shame. I now have a closet overflowing with shoes and clothes, and I haven't thrown anything away in 3-4 years, and I have no plans to do that again. But during this period, I kept asking myself the question, "Why do I have these clothes?" I don't think I'm doing anything wrong, but these are not my "work" clothes, and these aren't my "going out with friends" clothes. Most of the time I spend wearing clothes, I'm wearing them for other people. I finally realized that these clothes are for when I dress for myself. Unfortunately, getting dressed to the nines to watch TV with my wife is not the height of fulfillment. Even worse, now that its "okay" for me to shop, I've started shopping a lot more. I have joked at times that I'm "making up for lost time". And there is possibly some truth to that, I didn't really get to enjoy shopping or dressing for myself until 4 years ago. I had never owned a dress until 4 years, I had never even owned a pair of heels that actually fit.

This post is about shopping, but its impossible for me to talk about shopping without talking about my background. I was shopping too much, but that was really a minor problem. I dress for myself, but I didn't have many people to share that passion with or opportunities to use my clothes, and so I guess I found myself "doubling down" on shopping for more cute stuff. So while I have not gone on a shopping ban, one reason I started this blog was so that I could share the clothes and shoes I already have. Here, while I'm not exactly dressing for other people, I am sharing a creative outlet in clothing with other people. But this blog has actually helped me shop less. Instead of retail therapy, I guess I have blog therapy now. Unfortunately, it did take a while for me to learn my size and how to dress, and what I actually liked and how to talk about it. I'm still learning. So while I love the idea of remixing, one goal I decided early on was that I would force myself to go through all of my shoes and all the clothes in my closet before letting myself do a lot more shopping. In the process, I thought I might be able ask any readers for their thoughts if I was thinking about getting rid of something.

Unfortunately, this is one part philosophizing and one part consumerism, but I certainly don't want to the promote the idea that anyone needs to shop or not, and where to shop, or not. My wife and I are lucky in that we can afford this indulgence on my part, and one of the things I love most about sharing with other bloggers is the diverse backgrounds they come from, and their unique experience and the context in which they live.

So when it comes to actually shopping in stores, I'm doing better. I no longer hide from the clerks, although I am always with my wife. I think a couple of the clerks think I am the most understanding husband ever. Although they occasionally express surprise at the sizes we buy. Unfortunately, since a few stores only cater to women, I don't always get to try stuff on in the store. Although I did have a wonderful experience at a Nine West store once. The clerk was not only extremely helpful, but explained that she has helped plenty of male customers shopping for themselves (I guess Eddie Izzard was right, "there are more of us than you know"). At the end of the day though, most of my shopping is done online.

I hope this was interesting! And I will be remixing for Meli's Wardrobe capsule challenge next week, and I will be doing some remixing off and on, because I always want to make a great outfit! And I will still be shopping, but I also want to eventually put all my clothes on this blog too! Dressing for yourself gets lonely too, and this is something I used to be ashamed of, but now I enjoy and I enjoy sharing it. And I guess one big part of this blog really is about self acceptance. I had a reader suggest that, and I have realized how true that is. Thanks for reading!

I really enjoy writing "question and answer" posts, so always feel free to ask questions in the comments! I also have to thank my wife and another good friend for the feedback and proofreading on today's post. And of course, today's pictures were taken by my amazing wife!

Fun with contrasts.

Masculine Outfit

• Shirt: JC Penney
• Tie: JC Penney
• Brown Belt: JC Penney
• Pants: JC Penney
• Black Oxfords: ? ancient

Feminine Outfit

• Shirt: Old Navy (previously here)
• Scarf: Maurices
• Black Belt: Torrid (previously here)
• Pants: Maurices
• Brown Oxfords: Payless

Since today's post is going to be all about answering Meli's question (and then some...) from last Friday, I thought I would do more with the idea of constrasting "masculine" and "feminine" clothing. I have worn the "same" outfit styled in both a "feminine" and "masculine" version.

So last Friday, Meli22, who has the most excellent blog The Daily Insanity of a Fashion Addict asked: I've been meaning to ask- are you as sharp looking when dressed to 'fit in' as a guy? Or is this the only time where you focus your creative energy on style? It would be cool to see a 'man' style file once in a while, if you expressed yourself in the fun way like you do when you dress feminine! :) Sadly, the short answer is "not usually". But I wanted to write a post about this because I thought it might be interesting to talk about why, how I am changing that, and some of my experiences with "men's fashion" in general. In a recent email exchange talking with a long time friend I have not seen in years, I explained to him my interest in women's clothing and sent him a link to this blog, he responded with "I took a look at the style blog and have to say you have fantastic female fashion sense. Those outfits look great. How come you always dress like such a slob when wearing men's clothing?" In all fairness, we have rarely seen each other since college, and I will have everyone know I dress at least a cut above slob when wearing "menswear". I think. :)

I have tried to experiment with men's fashion over the years. Many of my experiments were timid though, and ended up relegated to a disused and dusty corner of my closet through my own fears. I want to change that, and I am changing that. So in the future, things like hats, pocket squares, vests, cardigans, ties, bow ties, v-neck shirts and sweaters, french cuff shirts, and nice leather oxfords are all actual menswear pieces I need more of, and need in every color. Thankfully, my blog is helping me work through some of these things, and I am finding myself more free to experiment, even if its only a polo shirt in every color.

So I think the root of my trouble with men's fashion is that I have internalized a collection of social norms and messages about masculinity that, on a good day, leave me with a set of bizarre hangups, and on a bad day with very toxic ideas about what is and is not masculine. Its easy enough to say that I don't actually believe these notions and should ignore the boxes of behavioral norms I have allowed other people to constrain me with, but I'm not sure its ever that simple. For instance, one way adventurous clothing choices can be policed is with the slur "that looks gay". Whether you feel its right or wrong, homosexuality is about a sexual interest in the same sex, and I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with clothing choices. But that doesn't stop some people from informing someone that a particular clothing choice is "gay". The real meaning of the slur is "You're less of a man for wearing that." Which begs the question what is a "real man" and that is just as problematic and fraught with toxic ideas as defining a "real woman" or a "real person".

I have also been obsessed with labels. Labels on clothing in particular. While some people get obsessed with labels by a certain designer or a certain size label (I saw a link on A Pretty Penny about vanity sizing, and I suppose in a perverse sense of "equality" men's clothing is now subject to vanity sizing as well), I have been obsessed with "gender" labels on clothing. I think one of the many reasons for my interest in women's fashion is a feeling of freedom from my hangups about men's fashion.

In fact, one of the harder questions I've had to ask myself about clothing preferences is to ask "If this was the exact same article of clothing, but labelled for a man, would you be so interested in wearing it?" I think this question is probably impossible to answer, but at one time the answer for me would have probably been "No". At this point in my life I have a lot more peace with it, and the answer is much closer to my own ideal of "Yes, the label doesn't matter as much." (For some fun with gender labels and clothing, consider these two classic Seinfeld episodes: The Puffy Shirt and The Glasses, and if that's not enough, check out these men's shoes at Brooks Brothers.)

This has been alternatingly fun and difficult to write. I want to explain my personal experiences because I think it might be helpful, but whole books have been written on policing language and gender norms, and its not a simple topic. Last Friday's "Friend Friday" question coincided with many people referring to the post on Already Pretty: Shouldn't wear that. And I recently saw this fairly "normative" article on men's fashion: What Every Man Needs in His Wardrobe - Updated for the Next Decade which has its ups and downs, but points out that one distinction is that men's fashion is about often about quality and tailoring. Of course, it doesn't have to be. Much like Sal, I am not a fan of prescribed and proscribed "fashion" behaviors, so consider such "Fashion Rules for men" as this obscure absurdity: black suits for men are proper only for servants and the dead, also mentioned at Cubicle Chic in Style Sins: The Black Suit, from a section by The Gentleman, that has some posts with a more positive approach as well. On a more positive note, Academichic had a recent post on men's fashion as well: Academichic... Boy Style and I always enjoy their discussion of gender, feminism, and fashion, and this post was no different: I love color so much, but yet, I would be extremely timid about wearing such bold awesome red pants in a "masculine" presentation. For me, the goal is to reach a place where I would. And when I get there, I don't want to stop wearing my high heels, blouses and wide belts. I just want the label to stop mattering at all.

Thank you for reading, I know this one was a little long. I hope everyone has a great day. And I have to thank my beautiful wife for taking the pictures and helping patiently in numerous ways with this post.

The Full Windsor.

• Top: Old Navy (previously worn here)
• Scarf: Maurices
• Capri Pants: Maurices
• Heels: Torrid

I had fun with this look I wore yesterday. Maybe this sounds a little crazy, but I actually like menswear inspired pieces or at least playing with "masculine/feminine" contrast. Okay, that probably just sounds pretentious. Its really just an excuse to explain why I tied a scarf in a full windsor. And even the idea of using a scarf as a tie I borrowed from another blogger (I Get Dressed). So while it was still too warm to wear a fall look, I thought it would be fun to add this scarf as a "please cool down so I can wear fall stuff" look. I had to loop the scarf a few extra times to get the length right, but I think it works. Sorta. The scarf kept doing funny things, and we had to take a lot of pictures just to get these 3. I think I would highly recommend this. Actually, I highly recommend tying something in a full windsor. Its a fun knot to tie. Much more fun than its lazy cousin the half windsor.

Yesterday, Lori, who has the totally awesome blog LORISPEAK, asked this question: Out of curiosity, do you change into your lovely outfits when you come home from work? It's just funny cuz a lot of people dress up for work and then put on their sweats when they get home, but you get so cute and dolled up! I wish I could say these are my clothes everyday, after work or not. I rarely go out dressed, but I do try to sneak out every so often, even if its just for a fabulously dressed fast food drive thru trip. Unfortunately, since I usually leave the house at least once a day, I rarely get to dress up for the whole day, and its usually too hard to dress up for even half the day, so I have to take what opportunities I can to dress up the few days a week it is a possibility. Some weeks I don't even get to dress up at all actually. Although since starting the blog, I am getting to dress up more often, but its still not every day. While I am new to style blogging, I know most style bloggers go for either an "outfit they wore that day" format while others go for a more "artistic" blog with less frequent but more whimsical photos and outfits. Since I don't quite fit in either of those categories I get a little vague about the pictures and when they were taken because I like the idea of the "outfit of the day" format, but I can't really dress up every day. So I guess the pictures here really are an "outfit of the day", just not "the outfit I wore for a day". When it comes to actually taking pictures, we've sorta fallen in to the routine of pulling together several outfits one or two days a week and taking pictures so I have some options to pick for each day. I work from home, but I do have to go out for meetings, errands, and that sort of thing, so I don't usually dress like this everyday. Some afternoons everything cooperates and I will get to dress how I want for most of the evening, and we'll take pictures when my wife gets in from her job. I hope everyone understands about the pictures. I really enjoy the conversations and interactions I've had with other bloggers, but I'm just trying to honestly deal with the constraints in my own life. I hope I didn't disappoint anyone.

Thanks for reading along, and as always, I love answering questions, so ask away in the comments! I hope everyone has a great weekend and I'll be back next week. And of course, as usual, my amazing wife took the pictures.

Monochromatic Bruise.

• Tube top: Torrid
• Shirt: Old Navy
• Pants: Torrid
• Belt: Torrid
• Shoes: Payless
• Necklace: Maurices
• Bag: Target

Melissa at A Working Mom's Closet has challenged herself to wear pants this week, and I was inspired by one of her outfits today. I bought this lavender tube top online when it was on clearance because I thought the color was too perfect to pass up, but its a little bit too big on me, so I've been trying to figure out what to do with it. I also don't know if this outfit is truly monochromatic, but the shoes are a deep burgundy color, and go along with the two layers on top. The bag is a dark brown, and the belt is black and the pants are mostly a charcoal color, but neutrals go together, so I think its okay.

Just peachy.

• Top: Maurices
• Cardigan: Old Navy
• Denim Pencil Skirt: Z. Cavaricci from Maurices
• Shoes: Lela Rose for Payless
• Bag: Target

Way too often I put together an outfit by starting with the shoes, and this outfit had to go through several revisions because the shoes were all wrong. At first I had a cami underneath the cardigan, but it was too dark and showed through, and the shoes(which were a nude color...) just looked weird. I grabbed this top, and tried mixing similar shades of the same color like I've seen other bloggers wear. And I just had to give up on the shoes, but this is another pair that I don't wear that often(I should, they're great, but they just never seem quite right when I reach for a pair of shoes...). And of course my amazing wife took the pictures.