Fun with contrasts.

Masculine Outfit

• Shirt: JC Penney
• Tie: JC Penney
• Brown Belt: JC Penney
• Pants: JC Penney
• Black Oxfords: ? ancient

Feminine Outfit

• Shirt: Old Navy (previously here)
• Scarf: Maurices
• Black Belt: Torrid (previously here)
• Pants: Maurices
• Brown Oxfords: Payless

Since today's post is going to be all about answering Meli's question (and then some...) from last Friday, I thought I would do more with the idea of constrasting "masculine" and "feminine" clothing. I have worn the "same" outfit styled in both a "feminine" and "masculine" version.

So last Friday, Meli22, who has the most excellent blog The Daily Insanity of a Fashion Addict asked: I've been meaning to ask- are you as sharp looking when dressed to 'fit in' as a guy? Or is this the only time where you focus your creative energy on style? It would be cool to see a 'man' style file once in a while, if you expressed yourself in the fun way like you do when you dress feminine! :) Sadly, the short answer is "not usually". But I wanted to write a post about this because I thought it might be interesting to talk about why, how I am changing that, and some of my experiences with "men's fashion" in general. In a recent email exchange talking with a long time friend I have not seen in years, I explained to him my interest in women's clothing and sent him a link to this blog, he responded with "I took a look at the style blog and have to say you have fantastic female fashion sense. Those outfits look great. How come you always dress like such a slob when wearing men's clothing?" In all fairness, we have rarely seen each other since college, and I will have everyone know I dress at least a cut above slob when wearing "menswear". I think. :)

I have tried to experiment with men's fashion over the years. Many of my experiments were timid though, and ended up relegated to a disused and dusty corner of my closet through my own fears. I want to change that, and I am changing that. So in the future, things like hats, pocket squares, vests, cardigans, ties, bow ties, v-neck shirts and sweaters, french cuff shirts, and nice leather oxfords are all actual menswear pieces I need more of, and need in every color. Thankfully, my blog is helping me work through some of these things, and I am finding myself more free to experiment, even if its only a polo shirt in every color.

So I think the root of my trouble with men's fashion is that I have internalized a collection of social norms and messages about masculinity that, on a good day, leave me with a set of bizarre hangups, and on a bad day with very toxic ideas about what is and is not masculine. Its easy enough to say that I don't actually believe these notions and should ignore the boxes of behavioral norms I have allowed other people to constrain me with, but I'm not sure its ever that simple. For instance, one way adventurous clothing choices can be policed is with the slur "that looks gay". Whether you feel its right or wrong, homosexuality is about a sexual interest in the same sex, and I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with clothing choices. But that doesn't stop some people from informing someone that a particular clothing choice is "gay". The real meaning of the slur is "You're less of a man for wearing that." Which begs the question what is a "real man" and that is just as problematic and fraught with toxic ideas as defining a "real woman" or a "real person".

I have also been obsessed with labels. Labels on clothing in particular. While some people get obsessed with labels by a certain designer or a certain size label (I saw a link on A Pretty Penny about vanity sizing, and I suppose in a perverse sense of "equality" men's clothing is now subject to vanity sizing as well), I have been obsessed with "gender" labels on clothing. I think one of the many reasons for my interest in women's fashion is a feeling of freedom from my hangups about men's fashion.

In fact, one of the harder questions I've had to ask myself about clothing preferences is to ask "If this was the exact same article of clothing, but labelled for a man, would you be so interested in wearing it?" I think this question is probably impossible to answer, but at one time the answer for me would have probably been "No". At this point in my life I have a lot more peace with it, and the answer is much closer to my own ideal of "Yes, the label doesn't matter as much." (For some fun with gender labels and clothing, consider these two classic Seinfeld episodes: The Puffy Shirt and The Glasses, and if that's not enough, check out these men's shoes at Brooks Brothers.)

This has been alternatingly fun and difficult to write. I want to explain my personal experiences because I think it might be helpful, but whole books have been written on policing language and gender norms, and its not a simple topic. Last Friday's "Friend Friday" question coincided with many people referring to the post on Already Pretty: Shouldn't wear that. And I recently saw this fairly "normative" article on men's fashion: What Every Man Needs in His Wardrobe - Updated for the Next Decade which has its ups and downs, but points out that one distinction is that men's fashion is about often about quality and tailoring. Of course, it doesn't have to be. Much like Sal, I am not a fan of prescribed and proscribed "fashion" behaviors, so consider such "Fashion Rules for men" as this obscure absurdity: black suits for men are proper only for servants and the dead, also mentioned at Cubicle Chic in Style Sins: The Black Suit, from a section by The Gentleman, that has some posts with a more positive approach as well. On a more positive note, Academichic had a recent post on men's fashion as well: Academichic... Boy Style and I always enjoy their discussion of gender, feminism, and fashion, and this post was no different: I love color so much, but yet, I would be extremely timid about wearing such bold awesome red pants in a "masculine" presentation. For me, the goal is to reach a place where I would. And when I get there, I don't want to stop wearing my high heels, blouses and wide belts. I just want the label to stop mattering at all.

Thank you for reading, I know this one was a little long. I hope everyone has a great day. And I have to thank my beautiful wife for taking the pictures and helping patiently in numerous ways with this post.