What we actually wore: Valentine's part 2.

My Outfit

• Button down: JC Penney (previously)
• Pants: JC Penney (previously)
• Tie: JC Penney
• Oxfords: ? (previously)
• Belt: JC Penney

My Wife's Outfit

• Dress: Maurices
• Belt: Maurices
• Pumps: Maurices

I'm a little later than I meant posting this. (Wow, take a day off and the rest of the week goes nuts.) But I wanted to post what we actually wore for the big date. And some of the pictures from the evening. The evening started when my wife got home from work about 10 minutes after my previous post.

I was afraid my wife might be forced to work late, so our reservations were late enough to provide some extra time which we didn't need. So instead, I took back roads that my wife is less familiar with, and slowly drove by a lot of restaurants which also would have been suitable for the day. (Okay, and I also drove past a few fast food restaurants too, just to add more suspense...). The good news is that when she finally saw the restaurant sign, she was too confused to guess if it was our destination or not.

Neither of us had been to a Brazilian steakhouse before. But I have to say if your budget can afford it, I highly recommend the experience at least once. Unless you're a vegetarian: while they did have a pretty cool salad bar, the meats are what makes it awesome, and its not exactly a vegetarian/vegan friendly sort of place. For those who don't know, the staff is constantly circulating through the restaurant with skewers of steaks, and they constantly stop at your table and cut off whatever you want in whatever quantity you want. And it's all you can eat. I had the funny idea I wanted to sample one of each thing on the menu, but I couldn't make it. We did save room for dessert though. I'm not sure how. So after the restaurant, I suggested coffee at a Starbucks near the hotel, which my wife agreed to, still in shock over the pleasant surprise of the restaurant. After coffee, I feigned getting lost only to pull into the hotel parking garage a few minutes later. My wife was speechless at this point. I later showed her the previous blog post and everyone's comments, which she thoroughly enjoyed reading. The only real downside is that I have no clue how to top this next year.

And of course, my very surprised wife took some of the pictures in today's post, and I took the rest for once. I hope everyone has a wonderful (and possibly long) weekend, and maybe someday I'll get caught up on everything I'm behind on (including your wonderful blogs...)

Shopping.

• Cardigan: Old Navy (previously)
• Cami: Maurices (previously)
• Belt: Maurices (from a dress)
• Skirt: Old Navy (previously)
• Pumps: Nine West (previously)
• Pantyhose: Just My Size via Walmart

I previously wrote about finding some shoes for sale in my size on Craigslist. During the visit, the lady selling the shoes mentioned that she was also doing some end of year cleaning out of clothes that no longer fit her, and many of them were in sizes near my own. I told her to let me know if she ended up with some clothes in my size. Luckily for me, she did, and sent me an email this past weekend, so we scheduled a meeting time on Sunday for me to visit and "shop".

This was my shopping outfit for the day. My wonderful wife did my hair and makeup, but she ended up having pre-existing plans for the afternoon and didn't accompany me on the visit. I ended up getting a lot of wonderful pieces for a great price, and I will be incorporating them in future posts. It was a fun day, and this was an interesting first for me: making a solo visit to a stranger, and I enjoyed the opportunity to get out and about. Of course, I was careful. This trip was also a good confidence builder for this weekend, but that will have to wait for another post.

I also want to take a second to thank Melanie, of Dressed to IL for mentioning me in her post on authenticity.

I also need to thank LaToya of A Chameleon's Closet for giving me the Versatile Blogger Award in her post Leopard and Purple. So here are seven more things about me as part of the award.

1. Since I mentioned music in my previous post, I figured I would share some more. I like a lot of music, so this is just another sample of the randomness that is my playlist. Here are some bands that showed up on my playlist in the past few minutes: Cage the Elephant, Gogol Bordello, Beck, Muse, Hybrid, Rage Against the Machine, The White Stripes, The Killers, and Movits!.
2. Last time, I also mentioned that I liked bad movies. Well, I also frequently like cult classic movies, and as an example I have to mention one of my all time favorites. Krull. Which has an epic soundtrack by James Horner, and a young Liam Neeson and Robbie Coltrane in early minor roles. Its not a movie for everyone, but its one of my favorites.
3. I have no siblings.
4. I am scared of have serious reservations about flying. Every movie I've watched where things go wrong with airplanes makes it worse. My wife finds it seriously unpleasant to fly with me.
5. I don't drink, this makes the previous fact even more difficult to cope with. I once had a fellow passenger (whom I did not know) offer me some of her drink, in fact, I was so visibly nervous.
6. I also don't smoke.
7. I dislike raw tomatoes, but I enjoy Ketchup and nearly every other tomato based product you can imagine.

Things have been incredibly busy lately, and I look forward to being to get caught up soon, I haven't forgotten about everyone, but this month hit the ground running, and hasn't let up at all. Thanks so much for bearing with me. And of course, my amazing wife took the pictures for this post.

Black and khaki.

• Sweater: Target (previously)
• Skirt: Old Navy
• Scarf: Maurices (previously)
• Tights: Lane Bryant
• Boots: Payless (previously)

Black with a khaki skirt has always been a classic combination in my mind, and when I saw eek's post the other day, I realized I hadn't posted a combo like that on here before. Edit: I also realized I was inspired by this outfit Hope posted a while back! And although I was keeping it simple with this outfit, I did want to add this scarf to add a little extra pop to the outfit. (And I tied it like this in case anyone is curious) And I realize I have yet again gone with a heavy neutral palette. I definitely need to remember to bring some more color into my winter wardrobe. I guess there's always tomorrow.

I also thought I would remind everyone that I love answering questions. I also realized that since I have attracted some new readers recently (Welcome everyone!), and also just for anyone who hasn't noticed this, that I always try to tag posts where I answer questions with "q and a". I also received a question from Thrifty Momma on my last post: Not sure if you addressed this but I wanted to say at least you are being honest with your wife!! and I was wondering if you two share clothing and give each other tips?

My wife takes the pictures, reads the blog, and reads the comments. So not only is she aware, she is also a (mostly!) willing participant in my interest in fashion, and that is hopefully clear to anyone reading as well. And for all of her help and acceptance, I'm profoundly grateful. But I do want to address the honesty aspect, since I'm pretty sure I haven't discussed it before. My wife is my best friend, and I always try to be honest with her about everything. The only secrets I try to keep are presents and surprises.

My wife was made aware of my interest while we were just dating, and it was not an easy discussion. To make matters more complicated, at the time I did not think my interest was morally acceptable, so I certainly didn't ask her to think it was okay. It wasn't the easiest thing for her to deal with then as well. It has not been an easy road reaching acceptance for either of us. It wasn't until shortly after our marriage that we both reached a productive level of acceptance, and even still, I have times that I struggle with it. The thing is, I do think its mostly a positive part of our lives now, and fashion is a fun creative outlet for me, and we both accept this. Starting this blog has opened up a safe avenue for me to find other people that share my interest in fashion who also find what I'm doing acceptable. My wife has been thrilled at the response this blog has received, and its definitely helped both of us out a lot.

I have discussed before that we do not share clothes. Our clothing and shoe sizes are just too different for that to work. We do occasionally share accessories though, and my wife has borrowed one of my purses before. Of the two of us, I think I enjoy fashion and shopping more, but we do help each other put together outfits and shop for clothes, and I have picked out entire outfits for my wife on a few occasions at her request. :)

And of course today's pictures were taken by my awesome wife.

Fun with contrasts.

Masculine Outfit

• Shirt: JC Penney
• Tie: JC Penney
• Brown Belt: JC Penney
• Pants: JC Penney
• Black Oxfords: ? ancient

Feminine Outfit

• Shirt: Old Navy (previously here)
• Scarf: Maurices
• Black Belt: Torrid (previously here)
• Pants: Maurices
• Brown Oxfords: Payless

Since today's post is going to be all about answering Meli's question (and then some...) from last Friday, I thought I would do more with the idea of constrasting "masculine" and "feminine" clothing. I have worn the "same" outfit styled in both a "feminine" and "masculine" version.

So last Friday, Meli22, who has the most excellent blog The Daily Insanity of a Fashion Addict asked: I've been meaning to ask- are you as sharp looking when dressed to 'fit in' as a guy? Or is this the only time where you focus your creative energy on style? It would be cool to see a 'man' style file once in a while, if you expressed yourself in the fun way like you do when you dress feminine! :) Sadly, the short answer is "not usually". But I wanted to write a post about this because I thought it might be interesting to talk about why, how I am changing that, and some of my experiences with "men's fashion" in general. In a recent email exchange talking with a long time friend I have not seen in years, I explained to him my interest in women's clothing and sent him a link to this blog, he responded with "I took a look at the style blog and have to say you have fantastic female fashion sense. Those outfits look great. How come you always dress like such a slob when wearing men's clothing?" In all fairness, we have rarely seen each other since college, and I will have everyone know I dress at least a cut above slob when wearing "menswear". I think. :)

I have tried to experiment with men's fashion over the years. Many of my experiments were timid though, and ended up relegated to a disused and dusty corner of my closet through my own fears. I want to change that, and I am changing that. So in the future, things like hats, pocket squares, vests, cardigans, ties, bow ties, v-neck shirts and sweaters, french cuff shirts, and nice leather oxfords are all actual menswear pieces I need more of, and need in every color. Thankfully, my blog is helping me work through some of these things, and I am finding myself more free to experiment, even if its only a polo shirt in every color.

So I think the root of my trouble with men's fashion is that I have internalized a collection of social norms and messages about masculinity that, on a good day, leave me with a set of bizarre hangups, and on a bad day with very toxic ideas about what is and is not masculine. Its easy enough to say that I don't actually believe these notions and should ignore the boxes of behavioral norms I have allowed other people to constrain me with, but I'm not sure its ever that simple. For instance, one way adventurous clothing choices can be policed is with the slur "that looks gay". Whether you feel its right or wrong, homosexuality is about a sexual interest in the same sex, and I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with clothing choices. But that doesn't stop some people from informing someone that a particular clothing choice is "gay". The real meaning of the slur is "You're less of a man for wearing that." Which begs the question what is a "real man" and that is just as problematic and fraught with toxic ideas as defining a "real woman" or a "real person".

I have also been obsessed with labels. Labels on clothing in particular. While some people get obsessed with labels by a certain designer or a certain size label (I saw a link on A Pretty Penny about vanity sizing, and I suppose in a perverse sense of "equality" men's clothing is now subject to vanity sizing as well), I have been obsessed with "gender" labels on clothing. I think one of the many reasons for my interest in women's fashion is a feeling of freedom from my hangups about men's fashion.

In fact, one of the harder questions I've had to ask myself about clothing preferences is to ask "If this was the exact same article of clothing, but labelled for a man, would you be so interested in wearing it?" I think this question is probably impossible to answer, but at one time the answer for me would have probably been "No". At this point in my life I have a lot more peace with it, and the answer is much closer to my own ideal of "Yes, the label doesn't matter as much." (For some fun with gender labels and clothing, consider these two classic Seinfeld episodes: The Puffy Shirt and The Glasses, and if that's not enough, check out these men's shoes at Brooks Brothers.)

This has been alternatingly fun and difficult to write. I want to explain my personal experiences because I think it might be helpful, but whole books have been written on policing language and gender norms, and its not a simple topic. Last Friday's "Friend Friday" question coincided with many people referring to the post on Already Pretty: Shouldn't wear that. And I recently saw this fairly "normative" article on men's fashion: What Every Man Needs in His Wardrobe - Updated for the Next Decade which has its ups and downs, but points out that one distinction is that men's fashion is about often about quality and tailoring. Of course, it doesn't have to be. Much like Sal, I am not a fan of prescribed and proscribed "fashion" behaviors, so consider such "Fashion Rules for men" as this obscure absurdity: black suits for men are proper only for servants and the dead, also mentioned at Cubicle Chic in Style Sins: The Black Suit, from a section by The Gentleman, that has some posts with a more positive approach as well. On a more positive note, Academichic had a recent post on men's fashion as well: Academichic... Boy Style and I always enjoy their discussion of gender, feminism, and fashion, and this post was no different: I love color so much, but yet, I would be extremely timid about wearing such bold awesome red pants in a "masculine" presentation. For me, the goal is to reach a place where I would. And when I get there, I don't want to stop wearing my high heels, blouses and wide belts. I just want the label to stop mattering at all.

Thank you for reading, I know this one was a little long. I hope everyone has a great day. And I have to thank my beautiful wife for taking the pictures and helping patiently in numerous ways with this post.

Under My Umbrella-ella-ella.

• Cami: Maurices (here)
• Hoodie: Maurices
• Skirt: Old Navy
• Rain boots: Payless (here)
• Bag: Target
• Umbrella: Crabtree & Evelyn
• Ribbon: from a spool of ribbon bought at Walmart

I don't always follow trends, but I do get inspired by them because cute trendy stuff shows up in stores. Well, okay, style blogging is changing that for me a little bit, but that's not my point. Some trends, like rain boots, end up making me want them all the more because I can't find something that works for me (well, in this case, by "work", I mean "fit"). So finally, I found this pair in my size, and *cough* 4 *cough* pairs of shoes later, my rain boots were safely in the mail. And the next day, I see this post by Kendi, and well, I thought "That's a pretty cute outfit and my boots will be here soon, I should try something like that!", but ultimately, the real credit for this outfit is a friend of mine who posted a complaint on Facebook a few days later. She was musing about the trend of all the people wearing rain boots with shorts and skirts, and pointing out that the water will just trickle down your legs into your boots. And I thought, "Hey, I was just thinking about wearing a something like that myself!" So for my friend, who I know is reading this post, I just want you to know, it was raining pretty hard, and I didn't get a single drop of water in my boots!

And yes, I'm outside!!! I do go out sometimes, this is actually my second trip outside since I started this blog (other trip is here even though I ended up not getting pictures outside). This is from yesterday: my wife had a surprise day off work, so we decided to do some shopping and meet up with some friends. I noted, to my surprising and unusual delight, that the weather report called for rain, so I was all about doing a quick change to get these pictures. And if nothing else, I promise I'll try to go outside again on Groundhog day to see if I see my shadow.

Okay, so yesterday Meli22 who is super cool and runs the totally rocking blog The Daily Insanity of a Fashion Addict asked some questions. And I have answers!

Is that your real hair, a wig, etc? How do you wear your hair when dressed this way vs. how do you wear your hair daily? Yes, this is my real hair you're seeing. I grew it out several years ago for many reasons, and one of them did include my interest in fashion. I didn't really accept this part of myself at the time, but hey, I was making progress. I almost always wear my hair up in a ponytail when I'm not dressed like this (also, I usually go without the ribbon too). In fact, this is one of the few times I've had my hair up for an outfit like this. A few months ago, in the search for a new hairdresser, I finally worked up the courage to ask for a slightly more interesting hair cut and got some layering put in, but alas, our most excellent hairdresser has found another job and left no forwarding address, so now I have to be courageous again. For special occasions, my wife helps me style my hair with a curling iron and other magical hair products (I'm still learning when it comes to hair and makeup!)

Okay, wow, if you're still here, I really appreciate it! Long post. Now no one will ask any more questions! Ack. Well, for the brave, ask away, I will still try to answer them! Okay, its also Friday (yay!), so I hope everyone has an absolutely wonderful weekend, and no rain (unless you want rain! I got my rain boots picture, so now its okay to be sunny with a slight chill so I can break out my other boots, tights I bought yesterday and everything else!). I'll be back with another post on Tuesday! And of course, my lovely (and patiently getting rained on) wife took the pictures (Hey, she got a box of chocolates too!).

Playing with color.

• Top: Torrid
• Shorts: Torrid
• Shoes: Torrid
• Bag: Nine West

Yesterday, I saw another blogger use a blue and purple color combination and I thought it looked really nice, so today I tried this combo out. I'm not sure if it shows, but the shoes are a nice shade of purple, and it did complement the blues of the top nicely. I think I have some better blues and purples in my closet, so I will have to try those out next time.

Quirky Casual.

• Top: Maurices
• Pants: Maurices
• Shoes: Payless
• Bag: Target
• Bracelets: Torrid
• Necklaces: Maurices

This outfit was a casual bit I put together somewhat inspired by a friend and the excitement I had at recently finding some bracelets at Torrid that fit my wrists. I'm still learning to play with accessories and I've only recently started really trying to add them to my wardrobe. Maybe I overdid it? I had fun trying though. I'm also exploring adding more flats and low heeled shoes to my wardrobe, although I still love my excess of fabulous high heels. My wonderful wife took the pictures.