A peek in the closet.

• Dress: Lane Bryant (here)
• Tights: Lane Bryant
• Pumps: Lane Bryant (here)
• Pearl Necklace: Torrid

Okay, this week has been incredibly busy, and that was before I got short notice that a friend who I haven't seen in years was going to be in town. But I've missed the style blogging world, and I'm incredibly behind on reading blogs (again), and I've really wanted to post more than twice this week, but we've barely had time for outfit pictures even. I will definitely be trying to take pictures earlier next week, and put some color back in my outfits as well (I can clearly see that I've gotten in a bit of rut lately...)! I'm so behind that I even have two questions to answer in this post. Luckily, they are related... er, well, I'm going to make them related enough to fit in the same post. And of course, questions are always welcome, and I will do my best to figure out some way to answer them (even if it takes a few days to write the post).

First, Lisa from the awesome blog respect the shoes asked here: This is the second pairing I've seen of someone wearing a filmy printed blouse under a LBD - I think it is a great combo and totally works. You look great! (I'm curious (and you don't have to answer if you don't want to) - how big is your closet? Do you keep two different wardrobes?)

The next question comes from Becca who posts at the really cool blog Free Honey, and she asked: Hi Matt! I don't have much expertise in the area of cross-dressing, but I always notice that they have tons of large sized shoes at Nordstrom Rack. I don't know if they have one in your area, but it would be a total treasure trove. I always wondered who was buying up the size 13 cherry red patent peep toe pumps!
Also, while you're taking questions - I have to ask you, do you cross dress all the time? Do you wear women's clothes at the office or in the store or do you generally just wear them around the house. I'm thinking that if you wore you're best clothes out to the stores, no one would think twice about you trying on ladies clothes. Hide in plain sight!

I do keep my "masculine" labeled clothes separate from my "feminine" labeled clothes. Some of this is because I happen to enjoy sorting things: in addition to being sorted by gender label, I try to also keep everything sorted by color, season, type of clothes, and any other category that strikes my mood at the moment. I would say that I have "1.5 wardrobes": I actually have a lot more "women's clothes" than "men's" (uh, I am a male, so I think it's also fair to claim they are all a man's clothes, because I own them...).

In terms of physical space, I have one closet in our apartment dedicated to "women's" clothing, and two racks for my shoes (one for shoes that no longer have a box, and a shelf for shoes that still have their box). I have a shelf of accessories, and a canvas tote of tights and pantyhose. I also have a small stand alone "wardrobe" for my articles of "men's" clothing, and a chest of drawers that contain fold up clothes and underwear of both "masculine" and "feminine" origin.

There are a lot of reasons for the lack of masculine clothes. I tend to have more fun shopping for "women's" clothes and shoes (uh... based on the numbers, too much fun shoe shopping, apparently...). I have also let my more masculine wardrobe atrophy for a lot of reasons (e.g. I work from home most days), and while I do have a plan to balance things out a little more evenly with future purchases (and to just generally have more fun and liberty with male fashions), it takes time to make major shifts in wardrobes. Another reason why things are a little out of balance, and this gets to Becca's question, is that I usually crossdress some every day. At this point, I only have one pair of men's jeans, for instance. I also have some women's shoes that are more ambiguous that I wear frequently, and I actually have a preference for panties (uh... so much for the boxers or briefs question... I hope this wasn't TMI...).

For the type of outfits I post here though, I generally only wear them around the house. I also work from home, and if I'm not meeting clients or running errands or have some other reason to leave the house, I do take advantage of this to dress through the "work day", but I suppose that's not exactly the same as wearing my clothes to the office. I am trying to find more opportunities to go out "socially dressed", and I have some friends that have no problems with my clothing preferences, and that does afford some opportunities to go out.

Since starting this blog I have felt more secure about going outside though. I spent many years dealing with extreme amounts of shame for my interest in feminine clothes and shoes, and I spent plenty of that time being furtive, stealing glances at clothes I wanted, and trying, in secret, to wear them. I'm not interested in that anymore: it's not pleasant, and it wore me down emotionally and didn't help me become a better person. I would also point out that it's not my goal to be perceived as a female. If someone did, I would certainly take it as a compliment, because I know how I'm dressing is "coded" female by most people, and see why someone would think that, but still, it's not why I want to dress this way.

Writing this blog has helped me see that plenty of people would be fairly cool with how I'm dressed. I'm also quite sure that some people would not be cool, but many of those people would also have enough manners to keep it to themselves in most situations. I suspect some people would probably be inclined to make comments, or laugh at me, and I won't lie, that's not something I want to experience, but at the end of the days it's not the worst thing that could happen. I do know that if I go out, some attention would be inevitable: I'm 6 feet tall in flats (and those would usually be size 12 flats...). While I know men and women come in all shapes and sizes (and I think that's a great thing actually!), and I even personally know women who are taller than me, bigger than me, with bigger feet than mine, I still think due to my height and size that I would get some unwanted attention and scrutiny. I also have a few concerns, whether they are rational or not. I worry about that "one" person: the person who will be bothered enough by what I'm doing to take matters into their own hands and go beyond verbal reproach. My other concern is related to where we live. We don't live in a huge city and that means I frequently run into people I actually know in public, and I have plenty of acquaintances and family I could encounter that I really just don't want to discuss this with.

When it comes to shopping, I do have another concern. To my knowledge, crossdressing is not illegal, but dressing rooms are a place where there is some expectation of privacy. My license says "male", and while a clerk, or most shoppers even, might "read" me as female, if one person didn't, and took offense, the perception that I was engaging in a "deception" might not end well. If I'm not trying to pass myself off as a female, then there is no deception, and that just feels more honest and safer to me. I guess I partially think of dressing rooms as a bit like public restrooms: Seriously crossdressed, I would be uncomfortable using the men's restroom, but it would likewise be inappropriate for me to use the women's restroom, and while unisex and "family" restrooms are more common these days, they aren't universal.

It would be nice to go out more often. But I do get opportunities occasionally. It's sometimes a frustration to me that I don't feel like I can just dress up and waltz out the door. If I want to go out dressed up, it ends up being the dominating factor in our plans, and I would rather it fade into the background a little more. And maybe it will as time goes on and we find opportunities and places where it's no big deal. Sharing with other style bloggers has been an amazing outlet for me though, and frankly, writing this blog is probably more fun than going out on a regular basis.

And of course, the outfit pictures today were taken by my amazing wife.