A Public Service Announcement: Crossdressers and Halloween

In this edition of our award winning documentary series on Halloween, we will be discussing the elusive straight male crossdresser in his natural habitat. This is one of our many, many documentaries on Halloween, so please take a moment to consider checking out some of our other award nominated productions, Vampires: Traditional or Sparkly, a field guide for the novice, A Dog Whisperer's Guide to Housebreaking your Werewolf Roommate, A plea for brains: Am I a Zombie or just drunk? Does it even matter?. And don't forget our famous expose, Rainbow Pooping Unicorns and Skittles: An Inconvenient Truth.

Now, as many people are aware Halloween is a time when the creatures of myths and legends take to the streets. Most of them are harmless and merely taking the opportunity to socialize the one time of year no will notice. In this guide, we will be discussing the many types of straight male crossdressers that might be encountered on Halloween. As you will see, the straight male crossdresser can often be found hiding where you least expect.

Types of Straight Male Crossdressers

The Superhero - Let's face it, this crossdresser is subtle and suave. Going as the manliest of manly costumes... that requires tights? His secret is safe, since no one will question Superman, but he has subtly and deftly taken the opportunity to combine his interest in women's clothing with a costume no one will question.

The Gambler - This type of crossdresser takes comfort in the well worn genre/plot trope of the bet-gone-wrong. Stories of bets or actual elaborate bets will be concocted by this crossdresser to be lost, granting him the cover of plausible deniability. And since he is a sporting chap, he will be "forced" to indulge in crossdressing. Hey, he lost the bet, its only "fair" that he pay up.

The Comedian - This crossdresser may be quite skilled in the application of makeup and the selection of clothing, but for the sake of Halloween, attires himself in the "dude in a dress" stereotype and does a horrible job, with clownish makeup, ill-fitting clothes, and badly placed balloon cleavage. After all, he's so bad at it, he couldn't possibly enjoy it, and hey, its all for the gag, right? Right? RIGHT?

The Sexist Poser - Taking his cue from Briar Rabbit, this crossdresser's sexist statements about women's clothing is really a facade. It's his way of saying "don't through me in the briar patch". He will continue to push his unwitting female collaborators until he succeeds in creating a "It takes a real man to wear a skirt" moment, in which his taunting and snarky comments give rise to the challenge that he don women's clothing to "prove his manhood".

Rocky - Horror Picture Show of course. This crossdresser uses the cult popularity of this movie to crossdress in the manner of its hero, Dr. Frank-N-Furter, and thus disguise his true intent. One must be careful however, since this category overlaps with Space Aliens who are visiting from Transsexual, Transylvania. Please see our documentary on extraterrestrial, Long Distance Dialing Plans and the Andromeda Galaxy, for more details.

The Winner - This crossdresser takes no prisoners for Halloween and just goes out in his finest feminine fashion. This crossdresser will frequently seek out costume contests, as the prize money and competitive aspect provide cover for his fitted clothes, nicely done hair, and expert makeup. However, a quick calculation of the costume cost will frequently reveal that the prize money is a tiny fraction of the expenses he has incurred. If challenged, this crossdresser may resort to vague speeches about a "job well done", and "anything worth doing is worth doing right" and wander off muttering a litany of excuses until he can find conversants who are less inquisitive about his attire.

Possibly Confused for a Crossdresser

Bank Robbers - Despite their predilection for using pantyhose as a mask or even donning drag to confuse the hidden cameras, bank robbers are not known, in general, to enjoy crossdressing anymore than they are likely to be former heads of state.

Drag Queens - Drag queens are, at their core, performance artists, and predominantly homosexual. While the occasional straight drag queen, and even the ever elusive female drag queen are known to be encountered, drag queens are very likely providing you with a creative form of entertainment, celebrity impersonation, and poking good natured fun at social norms of gendered behavior.

Eighties Hair Metal Bands - These are not crossdressers. Currently, they are an unclassified specimen, which after a rise to prominence in the eighties and sudden mass extinction event have recently seen a recurrent rise in their numbers. This specimen is also known to destroy hotel rooms. Just enjoy their music and don't ask too many questions and everything should be fine.